The Consequences of One’s Actions

I just downloaded this journaling app thinking that doing some journaling might relax me, since I’d be doing it on my tablet and not in a paper journal that someone might find and read (or tear into confetti because he opted to choose violence).

I guess it’s good that I decided to do this because today…I really can’t even.

I don’t know where to start.

Okay, I do know where to start. Where does everything in my life start? With Emmanuel, of course. 

I wonder if anyone else has a large bird familiar that gives them the kind of problems Emmanuel gives me.

At least my hair isn’t chartreuse today, even though Emmanuel is in a mood.

It started with the crab Rangoon.

I don’t know why Emmanuel likes to steal food delivery.

Well, I do know. He likes chaos. That’s why he does it.

But this time, it was Asian food, and there was a triple order of crab Rangoon because Mom, Father, and I all love it. 

There was NOT an order for Emmanuel because people food often disagrees with him. I think it’s because he will eat things that aren’t really good for birds, but he’s stubborn and is going to do what he wants when he wants.

Yesterday, what he wanted was crab Rangoon, apparently.

All three orders of it.

He had quite the Rangoon party.

And was incredibly pleased with himself.

And then came today. 

And the consequences.

Dire consequences.

Did you know that flightless birds can be flatulent? (Or maybe it’s just emus, I’m not sure.)

I know that. Now.

Because I woke up this morning at around 3:00 a.m. in a cloud of the most horrendous stench that has ever stenched. I’m pretty sure there was an actual, physical cloud. (And before you ask, no, it was not chartreuse. That came later, when he didn’t get the sympathy he thought he deserved. But I’m getting ahead of myself.)

I opened all my bedroom windows – in Laiho, in winter! – and turned on a fan to try to clear the air.

Then I heard a terrible, terrible sound coming from my bathroom.

Now, an emu’s poo is usually large – they’re big birds – and looks kind of like a goose’s poo, meaning that it’s firm (ish) and not splattery like most smaller bird poo.

Unless, of course, an emu has eaten three orders of crab Rangoon. Then, emu poo is most definitely splattery. And liquidy. And stinky. And gross.

And when you say something like, “Oh my gods, Emmanuel, this is disgusting!”, you get an evil look from the emu in question, accompanied by more horrible splattering noises and a smell that is more fit for the bowels of hell than the bowels of a bird. 

It’s even worse when the noise and the smell and the shouting and the sounds of a large bird in distress wake up your parents.

At least my Druid mother was able to put together something to give Emmanuel some relief, and Father called water to help clean the bathroom. (I have to give Emmanuel his due – he contained the mess as best he could, given his condition, so clean-up wasn’t as bad as it could have been…but it may be a while before I can bring myself to use my bathtub. At least the shower is separate).

However, Father had a bit of a discussion with Emmanuel concerning food stealing, overeating, and the consequences of one’s actions.

And that is why Father called out of work today. It seems that someone (who is feeling much better now) doesn’t care for lectures, and now Father is releasing a very visible chartreuse cloud about every hour or so – a cloud perfectly positioned to make one think that Father may be experiencing some digestive issues himself.

And that is why we will never have Asian food delivered to the house again.

James says: This may, of all the things we have created for Perfect Coven Earth, be the absolutely silliest yet! And I love it! I want more of this. The backstory. The next installment. Whatever. This has some great potential.

Mickie says: I just had to explain to my boss why I was laughing.  This is utterly silly, but anyone who has had a pet can sympathize with ‘animal digestive issues’ as well as willful critters who will do things that are bad for them and have unpleasant results. I love this whole Emmanuel series.  We have a nameless, faceless narrator who gives us vignettes of her daily life and the antics of her familiar, which are usually given in a dry yet hilarious fashion.

Idea from prompt: How to be a Successful Witch

A while back, I was looking for topics for my personal blog, so I ran some prompts. While I did get topics for that blog – and wrote several of them – I also managed to get one that just seemed tailor-made for this blog, the Perfect Coven blog. I wasn’t sure how I was going to use it, until I created Emmanuel and his witch. Once I had them, I just couldn’t resist any longer. This topic was made for them. Soooo – here it is:

How To Be A Successful Witch

There are as many ways to be a successful witch as there are definitions of “successful”. The definition is fluid, depending on who is doing the defining, therefore what constitutes a successful witch is also fluid, changing as the term changes with the ambition of the witch.

There are a few standards, however. First, of course, the person must demonstrate an affinity for witchery. That is usually spontaneous and not often something the witch controls. Once it is determined that a person has an affinity for witchery – and is, therefore, a witch – then comes mastery of the Meta-skills, those things all witches can do, no matter their affiliation. This includes calling a spark, casting a circle, and so forth – essentially, the basic building blocks of witchery.

Once a witch has proven their mastery of the Metas, they must discover their Affiliation. That is honestly one of the easier aspects of witchery; Affiliations tend to show themselves around the time a witch starts demonstrating their affinity for witchery. Most of us go into early learning already having a good idea of our Affinity, but the finer aspects of say, Elemental witchery, don’t come until after learning the Metas. And some Affinities are just difficult to pin down; Psi, for instance. That Affinity manifests in so many different ways, that it sometimes looks like quite Druidism or the Bardic Affinity. 

Once an Affinity is determined, and all tests are passed, then a witch may either choose an area of specialization, or practice general witchery. Many witches choose jobs that allow them to utilize their witchery – another definition of “successful witchery”. 

Covens cover an entirely other area of “successful witchery”. Some witches consider it the height of success to be asked to join a coven. Some witches maintain that only a solo witch can elevate themself to the best and highest use of witchery. Neither approach is considered less than the other, though some practitioners will insist that their way is the only best way. (They’re wrong.)

Regardless, nearly all witches will at least experiment with a coven during their practice of witchery, even if it’s just in a high school coven. While some high school covens are just cliques for the popular kids, some really do try to take coven-working seriously. There have been no studies as to how participation in a high school (or even college) coven impacts one’s success as a witch, but as a high school student, I can tell you from my observations – not much. (Most high school covens are more cliques than actual working covens, even the school-sponsored ones – which are more like clubs. But you do get a picture in the yearbook with your school-sponsored coven and it looks good on college apps, Father says.)

Finally, how does one’s familiar impact one’s success as a witch? Familiars choose their witches according to their own criteria (or whims; I personally think it’s mostly by whim). There is no direct correlation between a familiar’s size and their power, though some (insecure) witches will boast about their large familiars, as though the size of the familiar alone makes them some sort of special witch. (It doesn’t; it just makes it harder to conceal any mischief one might get into. An emu, for instance, cannot be hidden well once he gets a stomach ache from eating an entire two-tier raspberry chocolate cake Mother made for Father’s birthday.)

There are also arguments that a powerful familiar equals a weak witch, and vice-versa, with one making up for the other’s shortcomings. Again, there is no actual data to prove this theory, especially as there is no actual way to quantify a familiar’s strength except by observation of their antics (which are not a good indication, as some familiars are excessive in their grudge-holding and might turn a teacher’s hair chartreuse, and thus get their witch a detention at school and an essay to write at home…not that I know anything about that of course). 

James says: This is a good look at the early life of a witch, from the witch’s point of view. It’s interesting that even we, the Perfect Coven Authors, are still discovering aspects of our world that we don’t understand yet. We have discussed how a familliar’s form and powers complement or supplement the witch’s own nature and it’s clear that we do not yet have a clear-cut measure on that. (And, Sid, I absolutely insist that we get the emu story!)

Mickie says: Ms. Witch is sassy!  I love this character, even if she will never make it into a book.  She’s a great way to convey information and background for our Perfect Coven world without it being a lecture. Kudos to Sid for inventing yet another interesting voice!

Familiars: Expectation vs. Reality

From a young age, most witches dream of bonding with their familiar. They think about the type of animal it might be, what Difference it might have, what talent it might possess, and how it will become part of their life and their witchery.

Most witches expect a power boost, with a familiar that complements their own Affiliation. However, that is not always the case; in some instances, the familiar can act as a dampener, such as with a Psi witch. A Psi familiar may help shield their witch from the minds of others…and vice-versa.

One thing all familiars do, especially in the early years of bonding, is contain their witch’s fluctuations and surges. Young witches are notoriously bad at control, and a familiar can keep a working from spiraling out and doing extensive damage. One mustn’t conflate shaky control with recklessness, however. Most familiars are forgiving of one and not at all of the other.

There are exceptions, of course; some familiars positively delight in reckless behavior, though this is not the norm. Also, many (if not most) familiars indulge in mischief to various degrees (some more than others; birds, it seems, choose violence most often. Especially the bigger ones. Like emus.). The pranks can involve everything from playing tricks on their witch and their witch’s family and friends to creating tests and obstacles for their witches to casting confounding illusions (not that I would know this from experience).

And that leads me into another expectation that some witches may harbor, especially those that do not come from witch families. A familiar is not a servant to be ordered about, nor is a familiar simply a battery or a booster for a witch. A familiar is a partner, an equal partner, in a witch’s life and witchery. A witch who does not realize and respect this partnership will find their abilities deeply curtailed, perhaps even down to bare mastery of the meta-skills.

A familiar is also not a pet – though not one will object at all to being pampered and indulged! Most familiars are not bothered by the presence of a pet; in fact, they seem to regard pets with the same indulgent fondness that most people do. Just never, ever confuse the pet with the familiar! The consequences can be terrible. A witch might find that every working they do for the next month only produces chartreuse bubbles (again, nothing that I would know from experience, of course).

A witch may expect their familiar to know all about familiaring from the moment of Bonding. While the familiars do know some things on instinct, the bond with their witch is unique. Both parties grow into it, and learn together as well as from each other. Familiars are not infallible (truly, though they might prefer for their witch to believe that they are) and mistakes will be made. While the temptation may be great to blame the familiar for a working gone wrong, do not give in! 

Let me repeat that:  DON’T DO IT.

First of all, if your parents are witches, they will have already been in your shoes, and will know the truth, and you might have to hear an interminable lecture about familiars and when you ask if it’s over, then you’ll end up writing an essay about the lecture (so take notes). 

Secondly – just don’t. It’s not worth it. There will be retaliation (yes, that could be the reason I currently have chartreuse hair, fingernails, toenails, and no matter what color eyeshadow or lipstick I apply, it turns chartreuse. Emmanuel isn’t saying, he just looks smug when he sees me.).

James says:  And our knowledge of Perfect Coven Earth grows yet again. And this is something that will be constant throughout the “Perfect Coven” series, the cozies, and everything else we do in this world of ours. Familiars are so much a part of each witch’s life that they literally cannot be done without. Now Sid has given us some new information and a new perspective to use when we write these animal-not-animal characters.

Mickie says: I love this style of blog – information disseminated about PCE in a clever story form.  Our take on Familiars definitely took a life of its own, especially since we all share space with critters with very interesting personalities.  It was impossible not to incorporate this and make it ‘more’ in our stories.  Some might say we’ve taken the propensity for mischief a bit far, but ‘some’ have never watched a cat lie in wait in a darkened door for a dog to walk by and then goose him with one extended claw.